The smell of Autumn

I was walking my dogs the other night and it happened to be a much cooler night then normal.  With the crisp cool air came a flood of smells of the autumn season that immediately ignited my nostalgia.  I couldn't help but remember a time when I was much younger and didn't have as much weighing on my shoulders on a daily basis.  The worst thing I had to worry about was homework, chores and whether or not a girl could possibly like me.  Riding my bike and being able to go anywhere I wanted to.  Hanging out with friends and never getting tired of playing and replaying every game I owned.  How drastically things can change in just a few short years.

My blog almost got left behind again as I began to procrastinate writing in it.  I felt the urge pretty hard due to fatigue and just plain boredom.  Most of the time I live a pretty boring life and don't have much to report.  My daily routine usually involves waking up, walking the dogs, eating breakfast, getting ready for work, going to work, coming home, eating dinner, walking the dogs and messing around on the internet until I'm to tired to go on.  My days off usually entail doing things around the house like laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, dishes, mowing the lawn and whatever else needs done.  If I had a better income I would probably go out more and see what the world has to offer but because we live in a state of constant poverty, I'm unable to do the kind of stuff I used to do with friends.

So since my last post we went to the fair and it was pretty awesome.  Walking around that place and taking in all the sights and sounds was something I hadn't done in a very, very long time.  Not since I lived in Florida the first time I believe.  Although I didn't get to play much of any games, we did get to go on plenty of rides and ate some of the carny food.  All in all, was a great time for sure.

Yesterday we also took a short trip out of town to go eat someplace different and shop a little.  I felt like we definitely needed a new place to roam around and that was just the thing to do it.  The only bad part again was that since I don't have a lot of money we couldn't really buy that much which is frustrating.

I've also been thinking of ideas for games lately since I've been on a break from writing my book.  I keep thinking of working on something that I've already written out or redoing my game from the final project of my college degree.  The more I think of it, the more I want to remake that game.  I feel like I had a good idea and a great concept but it just ended up being some pretty bland and only mildly interesting to play.  That was probably more due to the fact that I was on such a tight deadline and that I was still learning the engine I was working with.  That engine was something I was familiar with but had never actually finished a game in.  It was also something I didn't learn about in college which probably made it that much stranger to my teacher and fellow students.  The fact that I wasn't comfortable using Flash or anything else we had "learned" since we didn't actually learn much on those things was hard for me to deal with.  Even so, it ended up getting me a perfect grade and probably sealing the deal on graduating with highest honors.

Thinking about times like that really shows me how much I'm wasting my potential by just sitting here everyday and not working on something.  I should be making a game, pushing out a book, or doing something with my mind.  I'm not even sure that if I was in a better situation that I'd still be able to focus on doing something like that.  It's hard to concentrate and sit down to work on a project when you're always tired, stressed out, depressed and frustrated at things.  I feel like it's going to click soon though.  I'm reaching a breaking point where I just throw everything out the window and finally break down.  I just need to push myself enough into it.

This all went on much longer then I anticipated but it's a good thing.  Writing has helped me to get some things out that I normally wouldn't be able to.  Thanks to everyone who has been reading, whoever you are, and I hope to see you again in the future.